A Real Man’s Guide to Love: Stop Looking for It.

By Chad Howseshutterstock_66220546

There are too many men looking for the right lady while neglecting our own development. We think that happiness in life resides in a relationship between us, and Miss Right. It doesn’t. Finding the right woman is important. It can give our lives added meaning, motivation, and an even greater reason to wake up in the morning and hustle – but never think that your success, happiness, or meaning exists in the hands of another. Giving someone else that power – imagined or real – is writing a death sentence decades before you kick the bucket.

A Real Man’s Guide to Love

One of my high school teachers told me something that has shaped the way I look at relationships. He said that, A good marriage isn’t two halves becoming whole; rather, it’s two complete individuals falling in love and joining one another in life.

Before he told me that I always figured I’d find someone who’d make me a complete person, and I them. That’s a dangerous way of looking at love, and an unhealthy one as well. Going in to a relationship, depending on someone else for 50% of your development emotional, spiritually, financially, and mentally, is a shit ton of pressure.

Pressure makes diamonds, or it busts pipes.

That is, if you’re the right people, you’re going to make it and grow in to complete individual’s together - right? Sometimes, yes. Look at all the high school sweethearts that get married. But they can be a different case. Being together so young they’re used to having their own identities outside of a relationship. When we get into a relationship and we’re a bit older, but still incomplete, our identity becomes the relationship.

We put our hopes, dreams, and our meaning of life into this one thing that often busts due to the pressure of two incomplete halves trying to become whole.

Looking for love whilst neglecting becoming a better man (or woman) is lunacy.

1. It puts a lot of pressure on a relationship and on your lady.

2. It leaves us incomplete, often under-developed as men for eternity.

Looking for love can also be a painful road, one that doesn’t, and shouldn’t be taken. I’m all for taking the hard road, the one less traveled, the one with greater obstacles, trials, and tribulation. But looking for love, pinning all of your wants and hopes on one person is not only unhealthy, but it makes life’s road a shitty one. For one, the woman you’ve dreamt up to be your ideal, doesn’t exist. Thinking that the woman you meet is, will lead to far too many fights and confusion on your part.

It also leaves us waiting, wanting, and weak.

A Real Man Does His Thang

I’m a romantic. I like doing nice things for my lady – when I have one. I like going out of the way to please her, to do something different for her that’ll touch a chord and create a memory. So I can see where you’re coming from when you’re waiting for your dream girl, looking for her, and a tad down if you’ve yet to find her. Believe it or not, I’ve been there.

It’s utterly useless.                     

Men need a purpose outside of a relationship – a purpose that is even greater than their relationship. We need a mission. A mission that we can dedicate our lives to. Without this mission and purpose, we’re weak.

I don’t know what your mission is, but you need one. Focus on that, and that alone, and let a relationship happen organically. Don’t force it. Don’t be that guy following your lady around, holding her hand bag as she works the room. You’re a lapdog, not a boyfriend or a husband. If those words cut you deep, change. That’s no way to live.

We’re men. We’re warriors not cowards. We’re lions, untamed beasts, not kenneled felines calling to our ladies every beacon. Act as such.

You May Never Find Her. And It’s OK.

Men can’t look for love, nor can a woman. Love, if it’s to happen, needs to happen on it’s own. That doesn’t mean you don’t ask a lady out. If you see a beautiful woman, go up to her and ask her on a date – if she says no, who cares, worse things have happened, and has yet to happen. With all of this said; with the notion that we need a purpose, a mission, that we can’t pin our hopes on a relationship, that we need to be complete individuals and men to be worthy of a complete, fulfilling relationship…

It still might not happen, and you need to not only be okay with that, but thrive knowing this information.

I’m a firm believer that behind most great men, is an even greater woman. This article isn’t a call for men to break free “from the chains of woman.” To the contrary.

It’s a call for men to be the men that actually warrant a great woman! Don’t be the lapdog that she can mold and shape into whatever she needs. Be the man that takes her to new heights, and she you. Be the complete person she deserves, not the emotionally needy boy still recovering from a never-ending slough of mommy issues.

No, this isn’t a call to break free from women, we need them, and we love them. They’re the beautiful, sexy, and smart angels that deserve a man of character, of strength, and a man with a purpose. To be that man, you must first come to grips with the fact that you may never meet the right woman, and that’s not only okay, but there’s benefits in this.

This is For You

It wrote this article for the young guys frustrated with love. Young men – even middle-aged men – worried that they may not find the right girl, or that they may be single for their entire lives. You may feel this way because your parents had a great marriage, and you want that for yourself. Well, I’m the same way…

A part of my ideal day – an exercise I re-do yearly to maintain the right focus in my life and in my business – is waking up next to, who I believe, is the most beautiful woman in the world…

I want kids, a family, the whole nine yards. I really do think it’s important. In part, I probably want this because of the strength of my parents marriage. But, I’ve got two pretty unique parents who’ve shed a lot of light on how to live a great life. My Mom didn’t get married until she was 39. I’ve asked her if she was ever worried about being an old maid for her entire life…

Her answer: No. She was making moves, progressing through life, growing, developing, CREATING a life that had meaning, purpose, and that she was proud of. The fact that she met my Old Man is awesome. She had two kids, one beautiful, one butt ugly (my sis is a beautiful young lady), and has a great life. But her life would be great without the husband, kids, house, and dog. She’d make sure of it.

So, fellas. This article is a BIG call to action. Come to grips with the fact that you may never find that right lady and enjoy this life! Leave your fingerprints all over this planet. Make big things happen. Develop into a true, strong, honorable, courageous man, and be worthy of a woman who is the same. Don’t waste your days searching, waiting, and worrying. Use your days to work, develop, and create.